Why I suck at being a mom…

Published on June 17, 2015 By Lauren

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  • This past weekend I had the privilege of speaking at the first ever Happy Mommy Box Retreat.  It is rare that I get to go away and speak at an event about motherhood. Why? I do not consider myself to be one of those ‘moms’.  I actually felt very inadequate to be speaking at a motherhood event, because I never feel like I have it all together.

    Most days I roll out of bed after Mark has sent up two of our children to wake me up. I walk downstairs and get my cup of coffee; Mark has already fed the kiddos.

    I then go to work for 6-7 hours in my home. My house is ALWAYS a mess, and I rarely have enough time to even think about spending any time for myself. I do not cook dinner – since that is one of the tasks that Mark has taken over. I sit on the couch with Abby on my lap, because she cries if I don’t.

    I don’t do bible study, homeschool lessons, or crafts with my kids. They probably watch too much TV, and my life seems so chaotic at the moment.

    One speaker encouraged me that instead of saying busy or chaotic – to say ‘I live an abundant life’. I LOVED that and plan on saying that in place of saying I am busy.

    I feel like I suck as a mom because….

    I try to do it on my own…..

    I am a doer – which means that if I see something broken, I try to fix it. Over the past year, I’ve been trying to fix so many things in our life. It all started when Mark quit his job. My identity was rocked. Was I a stay-at-home-mom or was I a working mom? I felt like I was doing a bad job at both.

    I also don’t reach out to my friends or family for help. I don’t pray as often as I ‘should’ and I attempt to ‘fix everything’ myself.

    Mark and I made the decision to get a full time nanny – one that would take care for our kids so that I could work more, and teach Mark how to run both websites. It finally got too hard leaving the kids – I never wanted to be a full time working mom. I wanted more balance.

    Mark and I decided to put our nanny down to two days per week, and I would take over the mom duties the other three days.  I would spend more time with my friends, more time building up relationships with my children, and less time working.

    I feel like I suck as a mom most days, because I take on too much.  I want to be the perfect blogger, the perfect wife, the perfect mom, the perfect friend, the perfect ‘take a meal to someone who just had a baby’ person, the perfect classroom mom. The reality is that I CANNOT DO EVERYTHING!

    Jess Connelly from naptimediaries.com spoke at the event too and she shared something that resonated with me.

    She gave us all the permission to take ourselves of the running of certain ‘mom competitions’ that run through our head and heart as we try to be perfect. Telling myself that it was okay for me not to be perfect in everything really helped me to be okay with whom I am at this very moment.

    Here is a list of a few of the things that I have given myself permission to take myself out of the running for:

    • I will not be the mom who makes fancy cakes at my kids birthday parties.
    • I will not be the very involved homeroom mom at my kids schools.
    • I will not be the best friend to my friends. Most nights I am exhausted and have very little leftover for my husband, he needs me more than my friends do.
    • I will not be the most spiritual Christian – I LOVE Jesus… THE END
    • I will not be a homeschooling mom.
    • I will not be a foster/adoptive mom.
    • I will not take dinners to those in need (I will order them a pizza and have it delivered to their residence)
    • I will not be the mom who has the best body.
    • I will not be the mom with the Pinterest perfect house.
    • I will not be the mom who has it all together.

    As I mom, I feel like we always think other moms have it all together. And you know what – that is a HUGE LIE!  This struggle is more prevalent than any other motherhood generation, because of the Internet and Pinterest.

    You’ve read before how I am certainly NOT Pinterest perfect. I do love a nicely designed room. But if I’m being honest, that nicely designed is usually ruined a few days after the picture is taken.

    But when it comes down to it – I actually don’t suck at being a mom at all.

    I am actually a great mom, but beat myself up WAY too much!

    I have great friends who I don’t hang out with enough.

    I have an amazing family, and my kids think I am the best momma ever!

    I was so encouraged by this weekend. I am a WONDERFUL mom, and I feel blessed that I had an opportunity to speak this weekend.  The other speakers were amazing as well – BROOKE MCGLOTHLIN from TheMobSociety.com,  RACHAEL KINCAID from RachaelKincaid.com,  and ALEX HOOVER from espressograce.com.

    So – Why did I write this post? Because I want to know – what will YOU be taking yourself out of?

    Stop comparing yourself to others – and start realizing you have skills.  

    A big thanks to Mandy from houseofroseblog.com and Natalie from thebusybudgetingmama.com for putting the wonderful even together.    Not only can you check them out on their blogs, but also over at HappyMommyBox.com.

    But when it comes down to it – I actually don’t suck at being a mom at all.

    I am actually a great mom, but beat myself up WAY too much!


  • Thank you for this post. I have been having a hard time feeling like I suck at being a mom, wife, or person lately. This really helps! 🙂

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